Life can be stressful. And work can be stressful. It’s just an unfortunate reality. The list of challenges we face day-to-day seems to be growing and never-ending.
Wow, that’s a gloomy opening. It’s true but it’s not necessarily the whole picture. Alongside all the challenges are also happiness, fun, peace, beauty and many other good things. However, sometimes we can become consumed with the stress and forget to notice all the other parts of our life.
So much depends on our perspective and attitude. This is, by no means, trying to diminish our struggles. They are real, they are tough, they take our energy and time. Even so, we CAN choose whether the struggle will be our main focus or not and how we might feel at the end of our day.
Personally, I battle a chronic illness and I find the suggestions listed below can make a difference to my overall day – whether it was a good one or a bad, whether I feel content at the end of the day.
1. Recognise that you’re doing the best you can – and that is all you can expect from yourself (and others)
In a world that prizes productivity, hustle and achievement, this can be a revolutionary mindset change. It’s ok if you spent the day checking things off a to-do list. It’s ok if you spent the day having fun and socialising with friends. It’s ok if you spent the day in bed, allowing your body to rest. Our energy level and capacity is different each day and all we can really ask of ourselves is that we do the best we can with the circumstances we face that day. It’s not an easy perspective to adopt but it is a healing one. The sum of our life is so much more that how much work we got done. And being able to look back on your life and say you cared for yourself and others is a beautiful achievement.
2. Practice gratitude and appreciation each day
You’ve likely heard this suggestion before and that’s because it genuinely makes a positive difference to our perspective and outlook. There are so many ways to approach this idea – a gratitude journal, family discussion over dinner, a meditation practice, keeping notes on your phone, taking one photo a day of something that made you happy – the methods are virtually endless. The most important element is taking a moment or two to reflect on blessings of your life. If you are struggling to think of positive things in your day here’s a small list to get your mind turning:
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what can you see? – the sky, sunshine, a shady tree, bright flowers, a puppy chasing its tail, a favourite piece of art – what is around you that makes you smile?
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what can you hear? – the voice of a loved one, laughter, the hum of the robot vacuum making a clean home easier, music, birdsong – if you close your eyes, can you hear something that makes your heart lift?
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what can you smell? – the scent of dinner, wood smoke from a warm fire, the perfume of jasmine and roses, your favourite candle – draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly, what goodness did you just take into your lungs?
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what can you feel? – the softness of your clothes, the comfortable support of your favourite armchair, the arms of someone who loves you – our skin is our largest organ, what sensations are bringing a moment of joy?
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what can you taste? – cool water, refreshing citrus, the hug in a mug that is tea, the delightful sprinkle of carbonation bubbles – food is healing, what has healed you today?
3. Spend time with safe friends and family, don’t be afraid to ask for support
The people who love us want us to be happy. They want the bad moments in our day to remain just moments, not spread out and consume everything. Reaching out to the family and friends who make us feel loved, safe, heard and cared for is a special type of medicine. Make a phone call, send a text, write a letter, catch up for coffee, invite someone to dinner.
The Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen found that togetherness – “a sense of community, a sense of belonging, a sense of home” – is one of the most important factors in a personal sense of overall happiness (Wiking). So make time for your people, your community and you will increase your feelings of happiness, calm and contentment.
4. Take care of your health – eat well, sleep well, drink water
All of our healths are intertwined – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. One affects the other and the downturn in one can have a cascading effect. I am not a medical professional and cannot provide specific advice. However, it is universally acknowledged (that a single man in possession of a good fortune…no wait, that’s a different book) that the good health basics of eating a balanced and varied diet, getting enough good quality sleep and staying properly hydrated benefit everyone. So staying on top of these basic habits will help to set a good foundation for an overall good feeling.
On this note, there are many highly trained and skilled professionals out there who can help in maintaining all aspects of our health. Reaching out to a doctor, a specialist, a nutritionist, a psychologist, a trainer or anyone else is a good, positive life step. There is still much shame and stigma surrounding asking for help in so many ways. Let this piece be just one little place that affirms that asking for help and support is a great step, one we applaud.
5. Focus 20% on problems and 80% on solutions, let go of what you can’t control
Endlessly thinking about the problem doesn’t lead anywhere except a spiral of more and more negative thoughts. it can even paralyse us into inaction. Instead, how much better is it to acknowledge the problem, challenge or obstacle, recognise and acknowledge our feelings but then move on. Move on to crafting a solution, move on to making a change, move on to a positive thought, move on to the element you can control. Even if your challenge is permanent (such as a chronic illness) you can always control your own mind.
There you have it – 5 suggestions that, when implemented, can help us to feel happier and calmer. And who doesn’t want that?
Reference:
Wiking, Meik. The Little Book Of Lykke . Harpercollins, 2017.