Does this need to be an issue?
There are many different approaches we take to a moment of conflict. Each strategy has its time and place. The key is to select the appropriate technique for the current situation.
The first strategy we’ll discuss is Avoidance.
The Strategy
Avoidance is exactly as it sounds – just straight up, avoid the conflict entirely. This does not mean letting ourselves be pushed around or allowing ourselves to be hurt. Instead, it’s taking a moment to reflect and simply ask ourselves “Does this need to be an issue?”
Sometimes, let’s be honest, it’s not a big deal and we can just let it go. Other times, the point of contention may be important, but this is not the time or place for a (robust) discussion and we need to walk away and defer to more appropriate time. Choosing to avoid a conflict is a sign that we are using our cool, logical thought processes and not just our emotions.
When to Use It
So what are situations where avoidance is a good strategy to deploy?
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when the issue is trivial – eg. “coffee is better than tea” – this is simply a personal preference and we can agree to disagree, there is no need to get into an argument about personal beverage choices.
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when you need time to consider your response – responding in the heat of the moment, driven by emotion, will usually make things worse and does not result in our most well-formed argument anyway. Sometimes, we may need to be quiet right now, gather our thoughts, do some research and raise the topic at another time when we can engage in a more reasoned and thoughtful discussion.
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when the time and place are inappropriate – let’s say you are in the middle of a conversation with a customer and one of your colleagues interrupts you and takes over – annoying right? However, this is not the appropriate moment to debate with our colleague or address their behaviour. We would do better to avoid the conflict at this time and do whatever is needed to provide the best experience for our customer. Later on, we can take the time to address our issue with our colleague in a more private setting.
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when there may be more pressing issues to deal with at this moment – similar to time and place, sometimes the problem is real, we do have a valid complaint, but right now we have an urgent task that must take priority. It’s not necessarily easy but cultivating the resilience to absorb a blow and continue on when needed is a worthwhile investment. We can readdress the source of conflict when the urgent moment has be successfully resolved.
Be Careful
Each conflict strategy has its place in our toolbox. And each comes with some pros and cons. With avoidance, it is important to note that using this technique does not actually resolve the conflict. In the case of a trivial matter, we may be able to just let it go and that’s the end of it.
At other times, the underlying issue still needs resolution. When we choose to avoid it at a given moment, we must accept that we may need to revisit this conflict at another time.
In conclusion – avoidance is just one of the conflict management strategies available to us and sometimes, it is the right choice.
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